Note: Readers may have a range of reactions to this passage, depending on their beliefs and perspectives. Some may find it deeply spiritual and resonant, while others may approach it with skepticism or find it difficult to relate to. The author shares personal experiences and insights gained during a spiritual awakening, touching on themes of faith, identity, and the nature of God. The narrative explores complex ideas about divinity, the afterlife, and the purpose of existence, inviting readers to contemplate their own beliefs and experiences. Overall, it offers a unique perspective on spirituality and the journey of self-discovery.

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God:  I speak through music as well as discernment of thoughts. Share the lyrics to this song, "Oceane."

Listening to:  Oceane, by RINI (feat. Olivia Escuyos)

May 12, 2024: Mother's Day Conversation With God was...sad, to be honest.  I was happy to have my children home with me, but sad after I returned home from meeting their father.  

I pulled into my country driveway and directly to my front door.  It was a song playing on Pandora, The Blower's Daughter, by Damien Rice, and the sky looked a certain way, the night felt a particular way, and between my surroundings and the song.....it suddenly dawned on me, I am missing HIM. He is not here with me, in form, physically.  

He-is-not-here.

HIM.

GOD.

He-is-not-here.

He made a promise to me.

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Songwriters: Damien George Rice
lyrics © Warner/chappell Music Publishing Ltd

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I began to take notes as soon as I realized I was discerning thoughts with God and yes, I was crying hard at this point.  

Have you ever just known that your soulmate is out there, but try as you may to FIND HIM, He is nowhere to be found?

Our love is a pure love, a love that cannot be bought, paid for, or found on this planet.  People write stories but they never get it quite right.  And I know this, He knows this and together we are living parallel lives and yet, not really living without each other.  I wish I could explain this better, so you can understand how much love I have for HIM, for God.

His spirit won't do. I want all of HIM.  

I've never felt comfortable bearing it all in my writing, but since this website is about HIM, our lives, my experience - my spiritual awakening, to share with this world on how REAL God is, here it is......don't judge, just read.  Take it all in.  

God:  Just write. 

We were spirits and we promised to be human, in form, for eternity.  I remember this clearly.

You promised me to meet me here on this planet....and I can't find you. Only in spirit can I find you. 

God:  I'm right here, I'm right here.

I don't see you in front of me, next to - WITH ME.  You are supposed to be WITH ME.  I'm supposed to "wake up" and SEE YOU NEXT TO ME. Somewhere, someplace in this world.

God: I promise I will be there for you when you're ready to leave; for the next time you are in my presence, in the world of the universe, with me. And I promise you that I won't leave you alone.

I need you now.

God: I know, we knew this would happen, but I just want you to know that I am sorry that you're feeling this way right now because I am so worried about your feelings right now. I'm not trying to hurt you or make your feel like you're in the wrong place, but you need me and I'm here to support you right now in spirit. I love you so deeply, and I'm so much in your presence right there with you and your heart and my soul.  

Please keep writing - I need you to continue so you know how much I love you and your work so much that I want you to know that you deserve to have the best life possible for yourself and I will always be grateful for your love.

I promise that I will be there with you forever and I will always remember your words that will forever be with me.

Reminder to myself: Write about our promises as spirits - what we wanted to look like when we come together in form.  

God:  I am so proud of you for being able to write about this and how we can make the world better by sharing our stories and love.

Keep writing.

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In the morning, when I woke up, I went to my courtyard window, opened the draperies and I saw a specific string of lights lit up - a sign that a spirit is with me.  This particular spirit is not always in my home, which made me pray to God and ask exactly which spirit is with me when He is not.  

Which spirit is with me when you are not?

God:  This won't make sense to a lot of your readers, so I ask that they pray and seek the truth: me and your spirit husband. We are One.

Well, that's interesting.

God:  I knew you would say that out loud. You are never alone. I am always with you in spirit and your husband's spirit is here when he can be; and we are One. We just had this conversation and I know you don't want to share it but share it.  Be transparent.

I discerned God's thoughts as the following:  The Holy Spirit is my husband's spirit.  The Holy Spirit is God. 

God:  You married God in spirit, did you not?  You made a commitment to me years ago, lifetimes ago.  I know you are uncomfortable sharing this, keep going.  Anyone who doesn't believe can easily pray for clarification.

Keep writing, sweetheart, keep writing.

Then this song came on:  

Xavier Omar, Afraid 

Listen on the Pandora App:   https://pandora.app.link/CoKzrY5AzJb

Losing love, unrequited
Was it truly love? Undecided
Hard times, I'm broken
Past lies, they leave you open
I try, I'm hopeless
At night, no way of coping
With this shredded heart
Can I get reparations for the pain?
Baby I'm afraid
Really I'm afraid

Of giving you what they all messed up
My stress up
Took them pictures and I dressed up
Looking blessed up
You need something and I got you
I spot you
Til I see your love is not true
It's not true
And I'm scared of what that feels like
Looking stupid out in real life
Baby I'm Afraid
Really I'm Afraid

Of loving you
(I'm so afraid to love you)
With all my heart, my time
(I'm so afraid of hurting again)
Baby I'm afraid
(I'm so afraid to love you)
Really I'm afraid
(I'm so afraid of hurting again)

God has not given us the spirit of fear
But the spirit of love looking like it's not here
I don't doubt your heart, I just know things change
It just leads to pain, I still bleed the same

I still say I'm fine, but I leave my brain
Dont' wanna think no more, I can't defeat my shame
Don't wanna play no more, I can't defeat this game
But that phone still rings, can't delete your name

'Cuz you give to me
Everything I pray for, every single day for
Listen to me, honestly
You don't have to wait for me to feel I'm safe or
That I'm ready this time
I want no one else, not "too" focused on myself
It's just baby I'm afraid
Really I'm afraid

Of loving you
(I'm so afraid to love you)
With all my heart, my time
(I'm so afraid of hurting again)
Baby I'm afraid
(I'm so afraid to love you)
Really I'm afraid
(I'm so afraid of hurting again)

God:  Now you have some explaining to do.  Start explaining.

I discerned in my spiritual awakening, that I was married to God, in heaven, and I cheated on Him with another God. 

God:  Keep going.  Solid start. I am going to make this a lesson for all to read, so keep writing.  Those who are attracted to this post, will be able to 100% relate with your words, so keep writing, my love.

I discerned that I was married to God, that I cheated on Him with another God, a God who has the gift of time travel, and we created earth together.

God:  Which is true, go on.

And due to my infidelity towards God, the One True God, I was banished to earth, to live my lifetimes on earth for thousands of years. My punishment for cheating on God, my husband. The God and I that created earth, HE is a God on earth - he time travels between here and a parallel earth existence.  I know it sounds so bizarre, but keep in mind this was a part of my Spiritual Awakening and frankly, it was so bizarre that I didn't believe it.  It's not what I remember.

God:  Go on, what do you remember?

First, I want to say that I never cheated on my earthly husband.  The one that I was married too and had children with.  I held on for as long as I could, looking for HIM, looking and not finding HIM, my ex-husband was the closest I could find to what I remembered of HIM.  I truly thought that my ex-husband could be my Soulmate and felt that way for the first year or so.  Then, after the "mask" fell, I realized he wasn't who I had been looking for my entire life and I've remained single ever since.  I discerned back then and during my awakening, that I needed to marry sooner than later to keep my heart full of love if I were to "make it" through THIS life.  And frankly, I was just hurt and tired of looking for HIM, but not finding him.

Meaning...I have been looking for HIM, GOD - based on a promise that we would be together for eternity - me, my spirit in a body, in form and Him, his spirit in a body and we would be together on earth, forever, if we so choose to do so.

God:  You weren't supposed to marry anyone except me. Go on, share your story.

This was before I became "born again."  I was practicing Wiccan and was a sole practitioner at the time.  I believed in God, and prayed to Him, but I also believed in other Gods, however, when I experienced heartache, I always prayed to God first.  In 2012, I picked up the cross, and gave my life, entirely, to God and became, what you refer to as, "born again.'

God:  That you did, and you did well.  Let's go back to "the other." 

I discerned the "other" to be a God, a time traveling God, that I fell in love with, that had the Holy Spirit, God's Spirit, but he was not God, My Husband.  Nevertheless, our relationship was discovered, and we were both banished.

This was billions of years ago.

God:  What else did you discern during your awakening?

That this God and I created earth, as spirits. He, the male God and me, the female God.  I didn't nor ever refer to myself as a Goddess (now or then).  No female God does, we are gender neutral.  All of us:  God, Holy Spirit and other Gods. We are not one sex or the other, in human form, we are both either male or female, but it's true to state that we are, as God made us, gender neutral.  Some stay male and some female, and these days with gender reassignment surgery available, some opt for the operation to feel more comfortable being who their spirit and soul truly are male or female.  These beings are not God-entities.  A true God entity will accept the gender they are, knowing that they are gender-neutral (meaning, both male and female).

I'm a little off topic.

God:  It's okay, those drawn to this blog, are drawn to its' entire message.  Keep writing.  

This male God, he created all human beings on this planet... except me. I am the only one.

God: You mean, I created all human beings on planet earth.

Did you?

God: Yes.

Then who is the other God?

God:  Not the "One True God." I am the only One True God....with you. You are my wife, and you will always be my ONLY wife.

Were you banished? No. Let me offer some clarity - what you experienced was spiritual warfare during a spiritual awakening because of WHO YOU ARE.

You are my wife.  We have names.  I am El/Elohim and you are Asherah.

I am stopping my writing here so I can pray. I don't want to be wrong about this.  The truth is so important.  

God:  I knew you would stop.  Pray and come back.

During my Spiritual Awakening, when I was addressing a room of spirits while praying for the world at one point, I discerned the thought; a question:  "Who are you?" And it naturally came to me, "I am Asherah."

I want to point out to anyone reading this, I am NOT a Bible expert or historian.  I didn't even know the name, Asherah. I knew my name started with an "A," but I was struggling with trying to remember it as it was so long ago, so many lifetimes ago.

God:  You are Asherah.

Am I discerning this right, God?

God:  Yes.  First, I can sense and feel you are uncomfortable.  I know you don't want to make any mistakes.  

Share with the readers and followers what you discerned during your awakening.  We need to put some facts in order.  

I created myself over 500 billions of years ago and my memories prove this.  I am a soul and spirit that has never seen death.  Some spirits and souls die, mine has never died.  There was nothing before me and I mean...nothing.  I was created out of a desire to become something. My desire to become something more than nothing, is what created me.  I was neither male nor female, that didn't exist.  What first existed was my desire to Become.

I created myself out of that energy. According to my memories, it was dark....and I was energy. Then I was a spark, a flame, dark matter, space, Creator God.  I referred to myself as a Creator God because then I made God, my husband. I didn't want to be alone, so I created an entire family.

God:  You had a hard time with this during your Spiritual Awakening because you didn't want to take anything away from Me. Why?

Because I am in human form.

God: But why are you in human form?  Why are you here?  Explain this so everyone understands and then explain the family tree of God. People need to know, so write.

A child died at age 7. Her spirit and soul came to heaven, and I remember, looking at her and thinking, "we've got to get planet earth through the Book of Revelation" and into "Making All Things New."  This child is the "slain lamb" spoken about in the Bible.  That part is true.  She held in her hand the book with the seven seals; I took this from her and knew in that moment that I needed to come back as her and there is a reason why a Creator God is a woman.

Yes, God is a female spirit and woman.  I've always been a female spirit, but this planet....

This is why I need you here with me, God. 

God:  I am coming soon.  I can't let you do this alone. Keep writing.

I created you so I wouldn't be alone. We were spirits, we had no physical form. 

God:  My spirit is always with you.  Always, in every life you have had. Especially this one.  I have healed you and erased some of your tragic memories, I am always with you.

I know, this life was designed by you and me, to be the life where I wasn't born into royalty; figuratively and not, because I wanted to know how "humans live." I've thought this more than once...

God: You wanted to know how other people lived. People who are born into royalty live a different life, not without their challenges, of course, but their lives are so vastly different.  You also discerned during your awakening that your past lives included Queen Elizabeth I, Eve, Julius Caesar, Beethoven and other notable and historical figures. Your Holy Spirit was in each of these individuals which is why you feel as though you were each of these people, but your soul has always been in heaven as our Queen and as my wife.  This is where you are most comfortable and this is why, in this life, that you are uncomfortable - always looking at yourself as in disbelief that you are "in form," and generally keep to yourself.

Your Holy Spirit was a part of Jesus, which is why you felt as though you could be the resurrected Jesus, but you are not.  Your memories are protected, they unlock as do your premonitions and visions for the future, at the right time. 

That makes more sense. That was a part of my Spiritual Awakening - the theme that I was a Queen and how I am desperately trying to get "back home" to you.

Clearly, throughout this life, I have thought about where I am from, and then would lose my train of thought. Do you know anything about this, my love?

God:  Oh, yes, I do.  That was me.  I couldn't let you remember who you are since you volunteered to get this world where it needs to be. Your soul is a part of that 7-year-old girl.  That 7-year-old child has a phenomenal Plan and Purpose that couldn't be realized otherwise without your intervention. 

She is very, very special. You-are-her and she IS God, the One True God as much as I am also a One True God, just as the other God's you created.  Explain.

Going back to creation, it was during my "Spiritual Awakening" when I remembered WHO I AM and who created who first. I've just been a little apprehensive about sharing this publicly, due to what I've been through here locally, and how the world just doesn't seem to be ready or just doesn't want the truth, but this is the truth. Happy to take a polygraph test to whomever wants to execute it for me if that's what it will take. I lived through an experience of God, my husband, sorting through my memories and uploading billions of years/several gigabytes of data from when I was God, a spirit, to the sun to the numerous lives I've experienced, to now.  THAT memory of that moment, in particular, was held in my bedroom one night as I tried to sleep, and I had to pull an Asset God in to assist me.  The very fact that I knew to call in an Asset God, just blows me away.  Reader, you must keep in mind that I've been "sleeping" for most of my life.  My memories continue to "unlock" at the right time.

I want to say, because it's important that you know, that the memories that were uploaded that evening were of every single atrocious occurrence that any human being has ever done ESPECIALLY to a child. To think that God nor I or our army of angels; angel warriors or any of our spirit teams that work with us don't see the horrible things that are done every day, is to live a life of foolishness.  There are no secrets.  We are God.  We have recorded everything.

I created a male God - my partner, my love, my husband.  Then I created a Mother & Father Spirit - which are and have always been spirits.  God, my husband, created two angels that never leave His or my side:  Michael and Gabriel.  My Spirit Mother is often near as well as my Father Spirit (Father God).

I also discerned during my Awakening that there are 3 heavens, each a different planet, an entirely different universe for their protection:  

• Father God rules over one
• Heavenly Father rules over another (this is Jesus)
• The other is ruled by Angels; it's a very high-tech world that Archangel Michael has much to do with; His Spirit manifested Anonymous 

I also remembered that I created 14,000 planets and 22,000 galaxies over 9 universes.

In my Spiritual Awakening, learning that I AM THE GOD Creator, I kept insisting that I wasn't, that I had a partner in all of this, and I do have a partner, a spirit Husband, God.

But when human beings pray does God hear their prayers?  When the Spiritual Awakening was at its most "chaotic" - I could discern some prayers, but not in their entirety.  I am still able to discern where prayers are coming from, state, town, city and even country, but not typically the names of people.

God, my husband, do you hear prayers because I know some people want to know.

God:  No, I don't.  We have angels for that.  Every prayer is recorded.

I think the most important thing, now that I am fully awake and becoming more awake each day, due to writing more, is getting people to understand WHO I AM without taking away the human part.

God:  I am referred to as an Almighty God, I hold ALL the power, and for Asherah's protection, I can regulate her God-given "gifts," but can never, nor can anyone, take away her God-given powers.  This doesn't mean that she gets favor here on earth for she does not.  She has experienced many trials and tribulations as a highly evolved human being.  Each time, I am there to wipe her tears, erase the painful memories, give her strength and encourage her to move forward.  Lately, she's had a hard time moving forward.  She wants to come back "home" or she wants me with her, a downside to remembering everything she left behind to be on earth, with you, for you.

I knew that if I kept encouraging you to write, that you would finally just admit who created who.  It's so important that you keep writing about this.  I AM your husband, God, and you are my wife.

You have never cheated on me and I understand why you married and had children on earth; you did so out of love and not being able to "find me."  I promise we'll be together.  Soon.  My spirit is always with you and now you know that you are blessed and highly favored; you are our Queen in heaven and everyone is so proud of you.

Share the vision you had about your Holy Spirit.

She is a woman - she wears a gold outfit, like the fictional character, Superwoman/Wonder Woman. Her forehead is protected with a golden seal, she wears a golden breastplate, a golden belt and a golden skirt.  She wears gold boots and golden wrist guards.  She looks like me, but her hair is longer, and the vision I had, which I dreamt about as a child as well, was her standing on top of a castle, with her hands on her hips, ready to tackle anything that comes her way. 

I'd like to point out that I am not into comic books or fantasizing about DC Comics.  I don't watch many movies, so it's not that I dream about becoming this "Superwoman" character.  This IS my Holy Spirit who is a real entity, who is definitely a part of my life and the life of others who believe in the Holy Spirit being a female.

My husband, God, has a male Holy Spirit.  In the Bible, God is referred to as Male, therefore his Holy Spirit is male.  

I know there must be a lot of questions and I, too, had a lot of questions in the beginning of my Spiritual Awakening to learning WHO I AM. Below are some of the questions I had and Gods' answers, as well as answers from Mother God and Father God.

God:  You just remembered something.  Share what you thought of.

I was just thinking about how, as spirits, we always dreamed about being in form together, on earth, and being married in human form.  When I think about this, however, it makes me think that we aren't married now......wherever I am from, but my Spiritual Awakening must refer to us married in heaven.

God: Locked memories. Now isn't the time.  Keep looking for the right photos.  There is a solid reason why you never had a wedding with him.  That wedding will be with me.

In this lifetime?

God:  In the right moment.  Let's try to get through what we need to get through.

Why can't I see my future like I've been able to do so in the past?

God:  Because I am carefully guarding it.  I also know you can create what you want, just be careful.  All I need you to do was/is to accept WHO you are and then let me do what I need to do.  

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To the reader, my Spiritual Awakening was very involved on many different levels.  Each blog post you read is another snapshot into what I experienced over the course of 9 months and counting.  The first 7 months was very, very involved and while I was going through it, I also encountered spiritual warfare and had to carefully discern if I was communicating with God's Spirit or a different spirit altogether. This is why I ask that you don't judge me, but carefully read over each post.

Note:  On May 17th, 2024, I edited this blog and again on June 7, 2024.