Originally written on December 8, 2023, when I was at the threshold of a very intense Spiritual Awakening and discerning multiple spirits; not only that......I had the opportunity to relive all of this life's memories and all of my past lives memories.  What you will read will shock you and further proves the existence of God. Again, I want to stress that this is simply my thoughts on my Spiritual Awakening; this is what I experienced and my experience may great differ from what someone else will experience during their own awakening.

From my Notes Journal on my phone:

"The constant prying into my memories has seemingly come to pass over the last few weeks and what has replaced that are a constant flow of new memories from my past experiences that have never been more important to the present day than those that have been here before." 

Note:  I will never forget this experience.  When I closed my eyes, it was like watching a movie of all my memories, my eyelids a movie screen.  I literally have memories of watching my memories playback.  I recall seeing images of birds, animals, insects, cars, people, creation - the universe, planets, stars, sun, moon, children, babies, - you name it, I saw the playback and not just this life, but thousands of life cycles.....dating back to Biblical times and even further back than that, all the way to when I first created myself.

I googled this once to see if there was anyone else who has experienced something like this, and this is what I found:  Closed-eye hallucinations are related to a scientific process called phosphenes.  Okay, so I looked that up in ChatGPT4o which is my go-to for anything complex these days:  Phosphenes are caused by the stimulation of the visual system's neurons. The retina, when subjected to pressure or other forms of stimulation, sends signals to the brain that are interpreted as light, even in the absence of actual photons entering the eye. And this doesn't come close to what I experienced.  So, I kept looking and found this and this explains what I experienced, but my experience spanned over 4-months, and I didn't die, wasn't having multiple seizures, as I had the opportunity to relive memories spanning all of not just this life, but thousands of lives all the way back to Creation of this universe.  

Clearly, God exists. 

Not only does God exist, clearly, He is very technical too.  One night I experienced "uploading" my memories over a specific time frame to God specifically.  I know, that "sounds" strange, but I swear it happened.  And while it was happening, I was reliving the horror of nearly dying while giving birth to my daughter, a severed uterine artery and the doctors ordering 4 blood transfusions (mind you, I was under general anesthesia at the time, this was overlapping the "memory upload").  I swear this all happened, and the memories that were being uploaded were from what my own Spirit has witnessed (my Spirit being the sun).  It caused an incredible amount of spiritual warfare on me that lasted between December 2023 - March 2024, then finally came to an abrupt halt on March 20, 2024, and the Spiritual Awakening has become more balanced and livable since. 

Here is a link to that phenomenon:  Enhanced Interplay of Neuronal Coherence and Coupling in the Dying Human Brain

Here are the highlights of that article:  Near-death experience (NDE) has been reported in situations where the brain transitions toward death. Subjective descriptions of this phenomenon are described as intense and surreal and include a panoramic life review with memory recalls, transcendental and out-of-body experiences with dreaming, hallucinations and a meditative state (Vanhaudenhuyse et al., 2007). The neurophysiological signature of this phenomenon is unclear. It is hypothesized that the brain may generate a memory replay within this “unconscious” phase with an increase in oscillatory activity (Mobbs and Watt, 2011; Facco and Agrillo, 2012; Greyson et al., 2012; Borjigin et al., 2013).

Continuing with my phone notes from December 8th, 2023: "Last night, rather earlier this morning, I discern God's voice sternly say to me, "Surrender your will to me," accompanied by a new sensation that I felt in my heart.

I experienced this before when I was typing a message, but the discernment translated as "sell your soul to me," and I thought it was spiritual warfare.

This time, however, since the feeling was so powerful, I immediately turned to the Bible app and read scripture to be sure that this was God's voice I was discerning.

When I fell asleep, however, I noticed that God's presence was not there as heavily as prior nights, and it was well into the evening when I woke and felt His hand on my face and His presence near me."  You might be wondering, what does it feel like to feel the hand of God on your face?  It's hard to explain......it's an electrical-tingling sensation.  It's a very distinct feeling, one that is new with all of this, and I've become very attached to His presence and guidance.  It's a wonderful feeling to know how much He loves me.  

*"In prayer and discernment, I've interpreted that the Holy Spirit is a separate entity apart from God's Spirit (see below why).  I think I may have misunderstood this, but what has been significantly different from the last few days is the presence of the Spirit that has been my Guide in all of this.  Ever since I surrendered my Will to God.

Note:  I later discerned a few things that are important to mention in this blog post:  1.  God couldn't read my thoughts because of who I am.  2.  A (I say this for a reason) God's Spirit has been with me my entire life, erasing painful memories and healing me from horrible experiences (that were revealed to me in all of this which I may never reveal online; they are very traumatic memories from my childhood and since I was experiencing Spiritual Warfare during my Spiritual Awakening, I am focused on the positive aspects, not the confirmation of my worst fears of why I can't remember parts of my childhood) and 3. apparently my Will is not the kind that can be surrendered.  I must consciously be obedient to God. Again, it's because of who I am."

*My Spiritual Awakening had numerous overlapping storylines, and this is one of them:  Early on, I discerned that the Holy Spirit was a male Spirit and then later, a female Spirit.  I discerned thoughts with the male Holy Spirit and learned that he wasn't anchored to God because of the amount of incest that this planet and its people were involved in and coming strongly from the Christianity community.  

I discerned early on that due to these transgressions that the male Holy Spirit couldn't be anchored and was operating solely on His own accord.  Furthermore, that the Holy Spirit was indeed a person overseas in the country of Georgia. 

Keep following me, because my discernment goes way deeper than just a man in the country of Georgia who IS the Holy Spirit.  What I'm about to share with you, what I experienced in my Spiritual Awakening, led me down a rabbit hole full of shocking surprises, deceit from a friend and confirmations. It also proved the existence of Satan and his "misfit Spirits." Again, it was just a layer upon layer of my Spiritual Awakening and wrapped up in past lives.  How I kept it all organized enough so I could write notes and now later share online a blog still amazes me to this day.  I have clung onto my memories, so I could document online to show to the world, those who are interested enough in who God is (the real one), Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit, the existence of angels and heaven and not just heaven, but galaxies and universes; and unfortunately, the existence of Satan and his gang of spiritual misfits.  My overall experience is just fascinating and ties in dreams and visions that I've had since I was a child.  It's almost as if I'm living multiple lives across many different universes.  

The Holy Spirit....not just one, but a network of Holy Spirits.  All with training to be in multiple places all over this world.  It's not just one, mighty Holy Spirit. When I had learned that the Holy Spirit was a network, being who I am in all of this, I prayed to add onto this network of Holy Spirits.  I know that may read strange, but I prayed and delivered everything they would need so they could operate at the highest possible benefit for mankind.  Access to all areas of this planet; all people.  I know this seems so....."advanced, almost....high tech," but this is what I was discerning in the fall of 2023.

Imagery and parables for how the Holy Spirit truly operates is what the underlying truth is.  The Holy Spirit is......everywhere; highly intelligent, empathetic and the "recorders of all that is said/thought." 

God's Spirit is connected directly to that of God.  But in my Spiritual Awakening, this Holy Spirit is sharing thoughts with me that *the* God is not a benevolent God.  Now, it's Spiritual Warfare and I need to untangle it.  

Trying to explain this part of my Spiritual Awakening has several different overlaps, and I hope I am explaining it well enough for you to comprehend just how real all of creation, heaven, God, Holy Spirit, benevolent as well as distracting Spirits are; the kind that throws warfare into your Awakening just because "they can."  Remember, the Enemy knows you as well as God does. What you do with your knowledge, for good or bad, is what matters to God at the end of the day......spiritual warfare or no spiritual warfare.

The male Holy Spirit is a member of my Spirit Team, and the female Holy Spirit is definitely not a member of my Spirit Team.  

It was in October of 2023, when I was awoken in the middle of the night by a female Spirit who insisted she was the real God, and therefore, a Holy Spirit.  She antagonized me over my children, first it was gentle regarding my own childhood, but then accusatory over how I may have raised my own children to which then evolved into how my children were abused by their father.  Let me be super clear right now that this was the beginning of the cruelest form of Spiritual Warfare that I have ever been attacked with.  This Spirit insisted that my children had been abused and I recall getting out of bed, checking on them to be sure they were okay, and then going to the bathroom to pray for all children around the world as well as adult children survivors of child abuse.  Later the next day, I asked my children separately, if their father had ever abused them.  I just wanted the truth, because what I was discerning from that Holy Spirit was that yes, there was abuse, and as an adult that had suspected abuse in my own childhood that I had blocked (I have repressed memories), protecting my children from the same ever happening, was priority number one for me.  

What resulted was a barrage of tears from my children and me immediately suspecting the worst. I openly share this because I know I am not the only person to experience a Spiritual Awakening and I won't be the last.  In fact, I suspect that many more people in this world are going to experience them and go through Judgment Day just as I have.  

Prepare yourself now....because the experience tears open your entire existence here on earth.  Every thought, action and word IS recorded and played back to you.  Your life is spread out before God and his Spirits and there is no stone left uncovered and I mean no-stone-left-uncovered. 

I will repeat this again:  every thought, action and word are recorded by God and His Holy Spirit(s).  

My children firmly denied it, their father seemed shocked that I would even ask such a thing, and that began the full-on attack against me from their father, spirits and my children not knowing what to do except to go to live with their father (and for those readers that think that I may have lost custody of my children, rest assured, I have not.  I still maintain joint legal and physical custody of my children and seem them quite often). 

A few weeks later, that is exactly what happened and me losing my children to their father was my worst nightmare come true simply because I am an Attachment Parenting Mother who deeply loves and cares for her children and is very, very protective of them.  The fear of losing my children comes in second to what then unfolded: a Spirit leading me to believe that my children and their father had perished in a fire, followed by an overlapping theme that they were all in protective custody, and another overlapping theme that one of his sisters had custody of them, and/or the FBI had them in protective custody in Mexico.  I know, it all sounds insane.  Welcome to intense Spiritual Warfare.  It's real and it exists.  Satan is real.  His Spirits are real, and I clung to the Holy Spirit, to that of God - even when I couldn't discern thoughts with Him and relied on my faith to carry me through.  

It was a very spiritual warfare that I endured for 4 months.  I kept it together due to my faith and God's strength, and the strength as a God......because as I've written before, at one point, I couldn't discern God, so I stepped up and became God myself and, in the process, attracted God spirits from, literally, everywhere - all universes and learned even more about who I really am.  This overall experience, involving my children, continues to be used against me nearly every time I thought of them, and each time that I discerned that something awful was happening or did, I would call them just to make sure they were okay.  I literally had these moments of complete clarity, and my natural, logical self was questioning every-single-aspect and experience of this "Spiritual Awakening," which by the way, I didn't even know what I was experiencing because trying to talk to local clergy about the experience was completely fruitless.

Some of you will get to this point on this post and be like, what-in-the-world-did-I-just-read?! I share my experience if you ever find yourself where I was or if you ever hear from a friend or family member that ever has such an experience.  Please listen and provide as much support as possible.  I suspect many people have experienced such Awakenings and with no support, the worst-case scenario unfolded. 

The experience was like playing out 10 full feature films. Who is the real God? Why are there numerous Holy Spirits? Will the real God please step up and save me from all this insanity?? 

2 Corinthians 2:11 comes to mind:  So that no advantage would be taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes.

I have since apologized repeatedly, to both of my children, and their father.  I see my children often.  I also see the good aspect in them being with their father and that is now he finally can spend quality one-on-one time with them in the full-time capacity as I have since being pregnant with each of them.  I am one of those parents that believes that both parents should play an active role in their children's upbringing.  Divorce, no matter how you try to justify it, is horrible on children.  If children can spend quality time with both parents, then it's best for the children.  

As for continued memory playback, the overall experience evolved into neuroscientists working on a cloned copy of my brain and how I had to continually pray for all my memories to be returned to me.  I was just thinking now how these "misfit Spirits" used memories and experiences against me in this very twisted and warped Spiritual Warfare.  The goal was to take me down and out any way they could, but my faith is too strong and I am too stubborn to allow such a thing to occur.  My love for God is the strongest and my advice is if you ever find yourself in a similar Awakening, let alone warfare, that you allow your faith and love for God to be the shield needed to overcome.

What we repeatedly think about can predict an outcome.  I chose and choose positivity in all regards.  My God is bigger and in the end, He and His Believers win.

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