Testimony | Late September 2023 - Invisible Stigmata

When I turned to God and reading the Bible, it was at the tail-end of still dealing with my social media accounts that He clearly wanted me to change.  

My Instagram account was in my (birth) name with my facial image as the profile picture.  It is a private account dating back to 2012.  I didn't post as much over the last 5 years or so simply because the kids were growing up, and my business kept me busy.  Most importantly, while I do (or did) consider myself a "social media marketing expert" I was always focused on my clients and not my own content.  

That particular evening, which had to have been the 3rd or 4th week of September of 2023, the kids and I were literally being terrorized or that is what it felt like.  I would see flashes of light in my courtyard, backyard and the light would shine into my bedroom or the kids bedroom, where I would find myself praying over them and our home (with all the dogs).  I was praying over everyone this particular night, dogs included, and the Internet kept going in and out, cell phone reception too.  

I was trying to email something important to my legal team and each time I tried to do this, the Internet would go out. That in addition to the "flashes of light" and not being able to see in the darkness of living out in the country, I called the police twice to my house and each time they came out, flashlights in hand, and searched my property.  Of course, by the time they got to my house, I wouldn't expect anyone to be "hanging around."  We live out in the country, someone or someone(s) could easily dash into a neighbor's dark yard while the police search my property.  

After the second police visit and the officers coming up empty-handed, I retreated back to my children's bedroom and simply prayed over both of my children, prayed protection of the bedroom they were sleeping in and then held my daughter praying to God in half-sleep-not-entirely state until the early morning hours.  I would take to Instagram trying to change my name and remove any pictures of me and my children (at their current ages) because at the time I felt that is what I needed to do in order to protect them (and myself).

I was at the beginning of God's confirmation of my spiritual awakening, but I hadn't fully accepted it. I thought I was still under a company hack; that perhaps hackers still had control of my Internet and cellphones. 

At one point, I finally gain better access to Instagram and was able to update my username and profile name; remove my profile picture.  As I was going through the endless and often mundane "confirmation process of my identity," the Internet went out again.  I got up and walked into the kitchen......and I could see from my window that the sun was about to rise.  At this point, I craved peace anyway I could get it so I decided to go out and watch the sun rise that morning and pray to God.

I walk out the front door and set my phone down on one of the front porch posts and then I walked over to this opening to a field.  As the sun began to rise, I looked directly INTO the sun.  I know that may seem crazy to you, but I've been doing this my entire life; it's how I connect to God.  

As the sun began to slowly rise, the world slowed down to a slow crawl for me.  I could hear birds all around me......a sweet, gentle wind wrapped me and would gently let go.  A bird came extremely close to me.....and as I was looking into the sun, orbs of light would come out from the left and right side of the sun.  I would try to follow these orbs and they seemed to be getting close and then would float upwards.  Their coloring was purple, red, light blue, yellow and blue.

I continued to stare straight into the sun and began praying. I remember at one point and perhaps throughout the experience, "God, please take me home....I want to go home, but not without my children."

When I said this.....it then dawned on me, at that very moment, that it wasn't just about my "earthly" children that I had bore, it was about.....ALL of God's children. 

And while I am having that epiphany, in that state of prayer while looking into the sun, the most incredible pain came over my left foot and both hands. I then felt a weird sensation on the top of my head.  It was excruciating pain. It was so painful that when I fell to the ground; I fell to my right.  Prior to the pain in my left foot, I had a stabbing pain on the left side of my body.

When I fell, I fell into a red ant pile so I was consistently bitten on my left wrist and arm.  I still have a healing bite mark on my left wrist.  In the state that I was, prior to falling, my entire body was just "frozen" and I was able to see the trees and sky from a completely different perspective.  I can't quite explain it, other than to say it was very surreal.  I could probably draw or paint exactly what I saw better than explaining it (and God just confirmed that I could).

I will share since I remember quite clearly that morning, for anyone who may have thought otherwise, Jesus was nailed to the cross in Biblical times.  He was not "tied." Nails were driven into his wrists, NOT his hands. I know this to be a fact because of the pain I experienced in my wrists and God has confirmed this when I just now asked.  

As someone who experienced what is known as an "invisible stigmata," I experience extreme pain in my feet, wrists, left side of my body and abdomen. The pain is so intense that I become nauseous. 

My spiritual awakening is the Jesus Christ path.  I have discerned it to be about *everyone* or as many people as possible "waking up" to their own Spiritual Awakening and realizing that the Kingdom of God is within them.....and all around them.  It's a very narrow path to walk on, to stay on......

While I was laying in the field after falling, I couldn't get back up.  It was only after my daughter who found me, asked me what had happened and I told her I had extreme pain in my left foot and could she lay her hands on me as I've taught her to do, and pray for me.  Only then was I able to stand and even so, I was still not 100%, but at least I was standing and walking.

I was also completely and 100% taken aback from the experience.  Such a strong confirmation that God laid on me.....and being born flesh, while so convincing of an experience, I still wanted to pray and read scripture; research before fully accepting what God laid on my heart.  

Thankfully, God doesn't give up and thankfully, I am 100% awake now.  I love God immensely and I want and need Him to return as should all people in this world. We serve a mighty God, I pray all eyes open and that faith is restored.  

When I walked back into my home to grab my phone......I was then able to "connect" to the Internet and confirm my identity on Instagram.

Author's Note:  Today, September 23, 2024, while speaking to someone about this experience, she mentioned, "Oh, like a stigmata."  I truly never thought that what I experienced could be a "stigmata" until I researched the term "invisible stigmata."  

An invisible stigmata is as follows:  

Invisible stigmata refers to the experience of intense pain in the areas of the body traditionally associated with Christ’s crucifixion wounds, such as the hands, feet, and side, without the presence of any physical wounds or bleeding. It is often considered a deeply spiritual or mystical phenomenon, where individuals feel the suffering of Christ but do not show the outward signs, like bleeding or open wounds, that are typical in cases of visible stigmata.

Characteristics of Invisible Stigmata:

1. Spiritual Connection: The person may feel a profound spiritual connection to Christ’s suffering, often in moments of prayer or meditation.
2. Intense Pain: The pain experienced is real and can be as intense as visible stigmata cases, but there are no visible wounds.
3. Mystical Significance: This form of stigmata is often interpreted as a sign of deep spiritual grace and divine favor, seen as an inward experience of Christ’s Passion.

Notable Examples:

• St. Catherine of Siena: One of the most famous cases of invisible stigmata. She reportedly felt the wounds of Christ without them being visible during her lifetime, though it is said they became visible after her death.
• Therese of Lisieux: Known for her deep spiritual suffering and connection to Christ's Passion, though she did not bear visible stigmata.

In religious and mystical circles, invisible stigmata is valued for the deep internal suffering and spiritual significance it represents, much like visible stigmata but without the outward manifestation.